viernes, septiembre 30, 2005

White Trash, old world style

You just can't allow some people to have money.

See you in Toledo

Penn Jillette had some great things to say about the naughtiest of all words in the English language. This word (junior senator from New York) is apparently uttered frequently in his movie The Aristocrats, which Ms N and I will be seeing tonight.

“You know the word," Penn states ...

"It’s the word you say and everybody gets sexually harassed."

"A hostile work environment in one word."

"It’s the word adults call ‘the C-word’ in front of other adults.”

jueves, septiembre 29, 2005

People who should consider name changes

I think some people really ought to consider name changes if they plan on going into certain professions. Some quirky names are actually good for customer relations. I know of a proctologist, for example, named Dr. Peiken (pronounced peekin'). While he didn't seem to notice the irony, I'm sure at least a few patients at least got a giggle while he was peekin' around.

But some names just ought to be changed. This dawned on me while I was looking for a new dentist. I logged on to the Delta registry for my area and up popped a list with names and addresses of various providers. Close to the top of the list was a guy with a really unfortunate name, given his line of work. I hate to say it, but the name is enough to make me scratch him off the list. I know it's not fair. For all I know, he's a really good dentist. But the name ...

I just don’t really like the idea of “Dr. Dickey” poking around in my mouth.

lunes, septiembre 26, 2005

I'm coming to save you, Martha!

Ms N and Alaska Jen were recently discussing Martha Stewart's new Apprentice show - mainly how much it sucked. Specifically disappointing was the big moment of rejection. Donald Trump has his down. He brings the sheep into the slaughterhouse - er, board room - and berates them for several minutes. Then, depending on his mood, he picks either the poutiest or the most belligerent, then looks them straight on, and says in a clear, solid voice those famous words: "You're Fired." He even does that hand movement - firm, solid, manly-but-swashbuckling. There is no question that he is The Man and he is in charge.

Martha writes a rejection letter. That must be how they take people down in the Big House.

What Martha needs is a good catch-phrase. Something clear, concise, easily repeatable - something that gets the point across that she is The Man.

Well, Martha, I am here to bail you out because that is what I do best - unless it requires posting cash bail ... screw that!

Next time you write your letter - when you key in the words with command strokes and do the firm hand movement putting the letter in the mailbox - close out with your own catch-phrase.

"You are not a Good Thing."

And Another Thing ...

Don’t damn me
When I speak a piece of mind,
‘Cause silence isn’t golden
When I’m keeping it inside.
– Guns N’ Roses

Today is my day to be pissed off at everybody.

I’m pissed off at the eco-freaks I have to listen to who insist that man needs to give up the products of modern technology and return to nature. Guess what, we did that before and it didn’t work to well. Without the products of our collective ingenuity, we got wet, cold, and eaten by bears. There was no communing involved. Early man did not love nature – early man recognized that nature was trying to kill him. Why do you think every undeveloped culture in history spent so much time trying to appease the gods and spirits and such? We are supposed to venerate Native Americans for their recognition of spirits in every deer, flower, tree, and rock because of their supposed reverence for Mother Earth. Reverence, my ass! They were trying to keep the bitch from killing them in their sleep as she is wont to do.

Every 40-year-old who says we ought to cast aside the trappings of civilization and go live in the woods needs to have his head examined. Were it not for the trappings of civilization – medicine, mining, manufacturing, agriculture, commerce, transportation, etc. – you would be dead before your 35th birthday. You want to commune with nature? Good, start by fertilizing some trees. Here’s a shovel. You may be five years late, but you can still go bury yourself in the forest and fulfill your natural duty. Want out of your current job? No problem. Mother Nature is constantly trying to fill many entry level positions in her great restaurant, the Food Chain.

Before you go in the woods, make sure you leave your clothes, shoes, watch, compass, pre-made foodstuffs, tent, canteen, sleeping bag, portable stove, pots, pans, dishes, cups, bowls, communications equipment, and any other product of the Gaia-rapists behind. Those are bad. But bring some polio – that’s 100% natural! And I guess you can bring the shovel.

Oh yeah, if we’re all to go back to nature, we’ll also need our teenage girls to start popping our children left and right (not that some aren’t doing that already). We’ll need to start having lots and lots of kids to replenish those who are lost to disease, starvation, exposure, tigers, and such. We’ll have to start the girls at it early because natural women are so darned prone to death during childbirth. We can pick all the medicinal herbs and berries we want, but once a baby decides to come out butt first, you need to find a new momma. But at least we’ll be in harmony with Mother Earth!

I’m pissed at people who support Darwinian views on evolution and socialist policies at the same time. Predators, disease, accidents, and starvation are all part of natural selection. Natural Selection is neither pretty nor compassionate, nor is it humane. Quite the contrary, it’s brutal as hell. Survival of the fittest does not provide a pleasant alternative for the unfit. Not too many creatures in the jungle die of old age. Yet, as the Darwinians are quick to point out, this is a good thing. Thinning out the herd means that only the strongest survive long enough to pass on their genes to future generations. Allowing the weak to prosper and reproduce weakens the gene pool and puts the entire species at risk. Take wolves away from the caribou herd and soon the herd is crowded, underfed, and disease-ridden. Reintroduce the wolves and the slow, weak, and sick caribou become lunch. Their faster, stronger, and healthier cousins remain to produce fast, strong, healthy descendants. Plus the undergrowth grows back, meaning the remaining herd can eat, too.

So if we are to accept that we exist now because of billions of years of evolution – that we are the legacy of the fittest who survived – then we have to acknowledge that we are putting humanity at risk by allowing those who can’t make it on their own to reproduce. We care in direct conflict with the laws of nature. By feeding the hungry, nursing the sick, funding the poor, and supporting those with limited physical or mental capacities, we tax the healthy and dilute the gene pool. To be in harmony with Mother Earth we need to toss aside the sick and undesirable. She will make sure that have a role to fulfill. That’s why scavengers evolved, remember? Besides, by allowing these people to live, we have to intrude upon the environment more and more.

Speaking of evolution, how is it that the same group of people who claim that a little bird on an island off the coast of South America evolved an extended and hooking beak just so it could reach a particular type of seed wedged into a tree which, were it not for that particular type of bird pecking in that far, would have no way of spreading it’s seed and thus would die off, have a hard time accepting the idea of intelligent design? Evolution is coincidental, creation is purposeful. If any “intent” is being carried out then there must be some intender. No species can decide to grow hooves on its own, let alone a crooked beak. Besides, it would take thousands of generations. How would the tree make it that long without the crooked-beaked bird?

If natural selection is what is driving all of life on earth, apparently mankind has been selected. We are just part of the biomass, remember. We came up from the algae like everything else. Well, except for the algae. Unless we were created and placed on this planet, we are part of the planet. We are the current product of those billions of years of evolution. We are “natural.” Which means what we do is natural. Beavers aren’t evil for drowning moles when they build their dams. Tigers aren’t evil for taking down antelope (granted, they’re not exactly praised by the antelope). Sheep aren’t evil for stripping grass off fields. Pine trees aren’t evil for raising the level of acidity in the soil around them, thus poisoning the soil for other plants. My girlfriend’s guppy-like fish aren’t evil for eating the eggs of her catfish-like fish off the side of the tank. Sharks – well, perhaps they are evil, I’m just not going to tell them that in person. The point is life forms use what resources they have available and what traits they come with to attempt to thrive. And if they thrive, they can sprout, bear, lay, or otherwise produce offspring which will in turn attempt to thrive. This is the evolution engine running at full throttle.

So what traits have we? What are our resources? We certainly don’t have claws, armor, above-average speed, fur (except Mediterranean men), quills, that great of a digestive system (have you seen what dogs can eat without croaking?), a relatively weak immune system (they drink out of toilets, too), fangs, poisonous glands, blubber, fins, wings, gills, or any number of other natural defenses, yet we routinely eat lots of things that do. A human is, comparatively speaking, a fragile physical specimen. But we have significant cranial capacity. And sometimes we even use it.

It is in the nature of Man to think. And, once Man has thought, Man acts. Man builds, Man creates, Man adjusts, Man adapts, Man learns. Man puts things into order. Actually, Woman puts things in order while Man is sitting on his fat ass watching the game, but that’s beside the point. Man has survived because Man has changed his environment so that it is survivable. That’s what Man was designed to do (or what he coincidentally evolved into, if you prefer), and that’s what Man does. That is why Man has thrived – why Man has become the dominant being on the planet. Man is a part of nature, and Man has simply done what comes naturally.

If you support Darwinism, then Man is simply acting out his role. If weaker species die off because of Man’s actions, those species were obviously not strong enough to survive in a world with Man. Species come and go. How many rare and unique species have gone extinct throughout history because they only survived in coastal areas hit by tsunamis? How many species went extinct because a bird carrying some bacteria from a different part of the continent pooped while flying overhead? How many were simply too tasty for some other creature to resist? Or blown to smithereens by volcanoes? When the big comet hit that wiped out the dinosaurs, what came of the little rat-like hairy beings that survived? And with Man changing the environment to suit his needs, what other future species are getting the chance to take over once Man finally falls?

On the other hand, if we were created, then some religion out there is most likely correct. The religious fall into one of a few categories. Christians, Jews, and Muslims believe that God put Man on earth to rule it. Read Genesis, and then grab a steak. No sense in keeping that cow from performing his God-given role. Most polytheistic religions believe that Man is here to dominate unless the gods intervene. Hindus and Buddhists believe that the world is just imaginary, so it doesn’t matter. And the earth-spirit-harmony folks? Well, I think I’ve already covered them – with the shovel.

In other words, if you are religious, Man rules. If you are not religious, Man rules. If you are married, Man spends his time in the garage not getting sex.

Speaking of the religious, I’m pissed off at ultra-wealthy Christians who don’t want to contribute to the betterment of all parts of society. If you are Christian, odds are you’ve heard of this guy named Jesus who lived in the Middle East about 2000 years ago. Granted, he was Jewish, as were some other guys – Mathew, Mark, Luke, John – but he had a few pieces of advice worth listening too. Jesus was not too keen on some people hoarding food while others around them starved. Jesus was big on giving to the poor. He didn’t seem to think that money would help in Heaven. And Jesus told people to pay taxes (“Give unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, give unto God that which is God’s.). Holy Son of Mary – Jesus was a Democrat! Oh wait, no, Jesus wasn’t keen on abortion and He advocated the reading of the Torah in classroom settings. Granted, He did have that whole “blessed-are-the-meek” thing. Perhaps He’d make an OK youth soccer coach.

So does the big J-C not want us to be rich? Are we supposed to be poor? Is the guy who pesters me for change when I head to the subway really the chosen one? No, he’s not very meek. How much does He think I should have? Obviously not everything I can get. In fact, He wants me to give a lot of that back.

So let’s see … unfettered capitalism runs along the same lines as Darwinism, which runs in direct conflict with religion which tends to advocate socialist principles. Yet atheists are more likely to advocate socialism. (Or is it the socialists advocating atheism?) Meanwhile, the religious right advocates capitalism and Christianity. At least the Ayn Rand folks are consistent. They feel that the only valid system is hands-off capitalism and there is no god. Everyone else is in conflict with themselves.

On a similar topic, but less religious, there is a legitimate reason why the wealthy ought to pay taxes. Yes, many wealthy people worked hard to put themselves into the positions they were in when opportunity came knocking. But you need a market of buyers in order to sell. And it’s the low-end buyers who account for a lot of movement of both dollars and products. Poor people don’t save much and don’t travel abroad very often, thus any dollar received by a poor person that gets spent legally goes back into the economy. You need the money to move. People buying means people selling, which means people advertising and lending and building and growing and employing and earning. Yes, it’s true that taxation moves money from those who attain success to those who don’t. However, commerce returns that money (and more) back to the wealthy. Granted, people should work for their money, but the money has to get there somehow. Consider it an investment in your future earnings.

Speaking of the poor and the wealthy, there is a vast difference between the work ethic and system of values between the two groups, and that thinking helps account for the growing divide. People with means tend to teach their children to view the world differently than those without, and it has an effect. A lot has to do with self-empowerment. When you look at the world as a place that has opportunities for success, often you will find said opportunities. When you view the world as a place where you can never succeed, odds are you won’t succeed. And, since success is harder than failure, which frame of mind do you think manifests itself in reality quicker?

The people who find a way out of poverty do not view the world the same as their neighbors. These are the people who insist that if they continue to apply themselves they will find some way to make things work. These are the kids who do their homework instead of playing PlayStation. These are the kids who put up with the other kids on the corner calling them all sorts of unpleasant names because they actually try to learn something. Yet flash forward ten or fifteen years. The kid who did his homework is now earning a real paycheck. Do the street rats congratulate him? Hell no. He sold out. He forgot where he came from. They are keeping it real. Then again, they are jobless and up in arms because “nobody gave them a chance to succeed.” Perhaps you didn’t find success because you weren’t looking for it.

I’m pissed at the Democrats for encouraging racism, sexism, class warfare, victimization, and poverty. By creating a huge welfare state, by removing the concept of individual achievement from schoolchildren and replacing it with a the-world-owes-me sense of entitlement, by putting people into groups instead of considering the merits of each individual, by putting blame for failure on society or the evil nasty corporations instead of the individuals who fail, and by teaching people that they are incapable of succeeding without a big government to feed them, clothe them, protect them, and provide for them, the Democrats have done a great job of producing a spineless, mindless, careless, reckless mob of unmotivated underachievers whose passions lie not in what they can do for themselves but instead in what others must do for them.

Success comes from seizing the opportunities you get and capitalizing upon them – but you won’t hear that from the Dems. In their view, success comes from being born rich, white, and with a penis. If you don’t meet those three criteria, they don’t think you’ll succeed – unless you vote for them, that is. Democrats – including their female representatives in high positions – preach that no woman can succeed in this country without big government there to keep the evil men in check. Democrats – including their black and Hispanic representatives in high positions – preach that no black or Hispanic person can succeed in this country without big government there to keep the evil white folks in check. The Democrats have a big government plan for everything except helping individuals seize opportunities and capitalizing upon them. But people who do that know that it is not big government that provides success, so they won’t vote Democrat. Democrats need people to feel like victims or else they get no support.

Want to keep a group of people down? Convince them that it’s OK to be unemployed – sitting on the street corner jobless because nobody else is giving them a chance to succeed – because the government will give them money, a place to live, and TVs. Convince them it’s OK to ignore their children because it’s the government’s responsibility to feed and educate them. Raising kids sucks up a tremendous amount of resources – encourage their teenagers and young adults to have lots and lots of sex, but don’t insist that the young fathers play important roles in their children’s lives. Promote cultural icons that advocate lying, cheating, stealing, robbing, and murdering, thereby encouraging to lie, cheat, steal, rob, and murder. Jail time isn’t shameful, it’s a sign that you’ve taken on The Man and you’re not going to let him hold you down. Convince them they are victims of forces beyond their control. And then, if you really, truly want to keep a group of people down, convince them that individual achievement is impossible because of who they are and that they need you to protect them. Democrats owe their existence to votes from people who they would shield their children from.

Democrats create dependency on big government. And look what happened to the citizens of New Orleans who were dependant on that big government to keep them safe. One thing about the war on poverty, it has a lot of victims. So does the war on drugs. Oh, and now there’s a war on pornography?

Republicans piss me off, too. The Republican Revolution was supposed to end big government, but the Republicans have been growing it larger and larger ever since they got in power. The whole point was to get the government out of the lives of the individuals, but instead they’ve intruded more and more. The individual has the right and freedom to make his own choices, yet TV and radio have to be controlled because people choose to listen to sex talk and fart jokes. Violence is allowed – encouraged even – but pop out a boob and look what happens! Republicans claim that unelected judges are more dangerous to America than bomb-toting terrorists, yet they plunge the government into dependency to China, of all countries, and let unelected lobbyists plunder the treasury. Our allies against the Axis of Evil include countries that gave countries in the AOE “nucular” secrets. Our allies in the war to establish democracy in the Middle East include countries that work to squander efforts to establish democracy in the Middle East. Our President says we’re fighting against religious fundamentalism, then relies on the support of religious fundamentalists to keep himself in office. It’s amazing how often catastrophes happen when the ruling party depends on catastrophes to keep in charge.

Let’s get this straight, people. It doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes caring and responsible parents. They may not do it alone, but they are ultimately responsible for mustering the resources to keep the kid fed and clothed, and they are responsible for instilling moral direction. It doesn’t take a union to keep a quality job, it takes quality performance. It doesn’t take big government to keep you alive, but it does take a small yet effective government to help you thrive. The strength of this country lies in its economy. The government needs to protect and preserve the free market, then let individuals step up and succeed. Laws designed to keep fraud out of the market need to be enforced, laws set up to force one group of people to accept the morals of another group need to be repealed. Everybody is entitled to their own misguided opinion. The deal goes like this, I grant you the right to your faith and you grant me the right to mine. We may not agree, but we respect each other. And if we respect? Well, most of those things that have pissed me off today go away.

I'll still be pissed that the Giants lost. Damn!

jueves, septiembre 22, 2005

Frodo Failed ...

Bush got the ring.

- bumper sticker Jeff saw recently

martes, septiembre 20, 2005

Purple X-ing

My ex-brother-in-law and I have started up, a new blog in which we will carry on a discussion (or perhaps competing monologues) of various topical political and social issues. We both lean conservative (one more than the other, as you'll soon see), but our aim is to have others from all sorts of political orientations join in the fray, er, conversation. With active participation comes a rich debate - and perhaps the occasional conversion - which is to the benefit of all involved.

Feel free to check it out. And don't pundit-hate, participate!

lunes, septiembre 19, 2005

My "m o r t g a g e" is up for renewal?

Um, yeah. That's another email I'm not opening any time soon.

"Please contact us through our site. We will contact you soon thereafter." First, they'll contact me through my bank. Then through credit card companies. Then through an auto dealer or two. Finally through Equinox.

The only advantage to having crappy credit is that no identity thief can get much from me.

jueves, septiembre 15, 2005

Great! I may be a "Winer"

Oh yeah ... that's an email I'm going to open!

Witty little Tucker, ain't he?

"He's alienated the nine fiscal conservatives left in this country."

Tucker Carlson, the one conservative Ms N thinks is cute, on the President's $200 billion plan to revitalize the Gulf Coast.

miércoles, septiembre 14, 2005

Get your own damned blog name!

I just Googled my blog name, and came up with this:

How do they find him but not me? Should I feel jilted? I beat him into the blogospere by a full six months - do I get credit for that?

Thanks for admiting it, Rich Eisen

Perhaps the worst commercial to come out lately is the idiotic commercial for Diet Pepsi where the New England Patriots draft a football-playing vending machine. Rich Eisen, former ESPN commentator and now lead commentator for the NFL Network, has a cameo where he announces the pick. "Diet Pepsi machine?"

Jeff Garlin, from the show Curb Your Enthusiasm, was a guest on Rich's show on Wednesday. Jeff had a lead spot in a commercial for DirecTV that aired this summer. In it, he sings "I have a Sunday Ticket" to the tune of the song "I have the Golden Ticket" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It turns into a full musical number where he is joined by neighbors, the cable guy, Peyton Manning, and Dick Butkis.

Corny, yes. But catchy. And it's been out for a few months. I'm whistling the song now.

Clearly, both men are willing to humiliate themselves for money. Jeff just did it in a way that was, oh, shall we say "amusing"? Musical numbers aren't normally considered manly, but Manning and Butkis were there, too. And the cable guy. Jeff gets a pass.

Diet Pepsi got their money's worth - Rich went all the way. I get embarrassed watching Rich's commercial.

So what does Rich say when interviewing Jeff?

At least people have something in their head to replace the Sunday Ticket song.

We won't call him an ass today

Roger Clemens gets major props for pitching on Wednesday despite the fact that his mother died that morning.

Roger pitched 6 1/3 innings, giving up 5 hits and one run (earned) against wild-card challenger Florida. He walked two and struck out four, getting 19 outs against 25 batters. All in all it was one heck of an outing. And he was not pitching against my fantasy team.

Roger, I'm not a big fan of yours, but today you get my respect and my condolences.

One thing about Bush ...

... he never misses and opportunity to miss an opportunity.

- this may be a quote by someone else, I just heard it from my ex-brother-in-law (or brother-outlaw, if you will. My ex's brother - whatever you call that.)

martes, septiembre 13, 2005

Full Scale Charlie Foxtrot

I am so happy with the producers of Monday Night Football right now. They always do a little sketch or promo before the intro to the show. Last year they took a lot of heat for having a towel-clad desperate housewife undo her wrappings to show T. "Terrell Owens" O. her goodies prior to an Eagles game. The usual gang of family values folks protested the promo and ABC promised to investigate and yadda, yadda, yadda. Long story short, we’re not allowed to enjoy our entertainment anymore.

So as the season opener opens, in comes the promo for the Eagles/Falcons game. The setting is the air traffic control booth at Atlanta’s airport. One controller, looking at his radar screen, starts going nuts saying that Falcon-7 (Michael Vick) has appeared on his radar screen and is moving exceptionally fast. Another controller pipes up saying that Eagle-5 (Donavan McNabb) is approaching as well. General panic ensues as they determine that the two are on a collision course. Then the supervisor says, “We’ve got a full scale Charlie Foxtrot here!”

I think at that moment, in bars, barracks, and homes all across the country, snickers were heard from anyone who’s had military experience. It was a joke everyone else – especially the family values gang – was not supposed to get.

As you know, many letters sound the same – especially over the phone or radio or just a lot of background noise. It is often hard to tell whether someone says C, P, B, D, E, G or whatnot. The military uses words – Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, etc. – to avoid this type of confusion. Remember Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin from back in the Cold War days? That just meant it was the third checkpoint. It connected East and West Berlin through the wall. Checkpoints Alpha and Bravo were at the border between East and West Germany and the outer border between East Germany and West Berlin, respectively.

The military has a phrase to describe a moment when lots of things are going horrifically wrong all at once. In mixed company, one would call it a Charlie Foxtrot. Just amongst the soldiers, though, it’s a Cluster Fu … well, I don’t want to upset the family values gang.

First Week of Football

Ah, what an interesting first week of football. Of utmost importance, los Gigantes de Nueva York beat the Arizona Cardinals 42-19. Six touchdowns! Eli Manning threw two (although he also threw two interceptions, which is why I'm glad he was on my fantasy team's bench).

Speaking of fantasy football, my Abalama Slammers scored the third-highest point total of the week in my league. Unfortunately, I was playing against the highest scoring team, so I am 0-1. Next week I play a team that also lost. This would normally be good, except the team belongs to one Ms N. Even if I win, I lose. Oh well, it should make for some interesting game-watching.

Back to the real game. Last night Jeremiah Trotter and Kevin Mathis got themselves eject from the game for getting into a fight. Ejections happen periodically during games. What made this different was this occured 35 minutes before the game! Oh, it made for some interesting pre-game commentary.

And for some other interesting commentary, Javon Walker of the Packers - a guy who was holding out from training camp in order to negotiate a better contract - suffered a season-ending injury in the third quarter of the first game. Much was made in the NFL during the off-season about Walker's holdout. Brett Favre broke the normal players' code of silence about other players' contract issues and spoke out against the way Javon was handling things. Superagent and slimemeister Drew Rosenhaus drew lots of attention for his negotiations involving Javon, as well as Eagle's wide receiver T. "Terrell Owens" O. and others. In the end, Javon declared that he was coming back to camp and was going to let his performance on the field prove to the Packers what he was really worth. Let's see ... he played 3/64ths of a season and made $500K+ ...

Actually, I feel for Javon. First - OW! Second, he is due a payday. However, in the world of football you do not renegotiate contracts until the final year. Next year the Pack would either trade him or pay him without hesitation. But this year - there's just too much time left on that existing deal. Now he runs the risk of getting himself cut at the end of the season simply because he hired a rat to represent him. And, if cut, he faces a much lower payday coming of an injury of this sort. He wanted to show himself the workhorse - now he's a mule.

It dawned on me that my favorite type of drama occurs in the world of sports. There is always something happening somewhere and between ESPN, Comcast Sportsnet, 610 WIP, the ol' watering hole, and the internets, there is always a place to go to get every different angle of the story. In a movie or book you get what the author gives you. In regular life, drama is attached with so many awful side-effects. But sports drama is different. It is fluid, yet static; close to home but safely removed. What fun.

jueves, septiembre 08, 2005

Dairy Haiku

My soy milk mocha
Has a vegetably aftertaste.
I miss my lattes.

From Alaska Jen. Her son Aiden, who is still on the ti ... I mean nursing, has a milk allergy

Ode to the NFL

- to the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight by the Nylons


In New England, Gilette Stadium, the season starts tonight.
The Patriots against the Raiders, the season starts tonight.

In Foxboro, peaceful Foxboro, the season starts tonight.
On the network, at nine o'clock, the season starts tonight.

Hush, the children. Shut up the children. The season starts tonight.
And the Missis, send her out shopping. The season starts tonight.

Oh, pack those chips away
Yeah pack those beers away