A Snowball’s Chance in [Our Apartment]

Today we mourn the passing of a dearly loved pet hamster, Snowball.

Snowball was a good hamster, escaping only a couple times and never once chewing up the carpet or power cords when free, unlike Spongebob, his black sheep of a brother. And while Snowball was never quite as friendly as the other half of our odd couple of hamsters, he was far tidier – the Jack Lemmon to Spongebob’s Walter Mathau, if you will. Spongebob keeps his home in standard bachelor fashion – food and garbage strewn about haphazardly and such. It was refreshing by comparison to look into Snowball’s cage and see him blissfully asleep, dreaming his little hamster dreams atop his small yet tidy bed of wood chips, curled up in a ball, using his scrotum as a pillow.

Snowball had a good life. While he never made it to his second birthday, in hamster years he was pushing 50 or so. He showed signs of sickness in his final days, but he was so stoic by nature that we never realized the extent. There were no pained cries for help, no frantic actions or signs of distress. He simply passed quietly in his favorite spot, leaving us assuming he was merely asleep.

Until the smell hit, that is. And even then I thought it was a plumbing problem. I was going to call in maintenance to look for a sewage leak, us living on the bottom floor and all.

Snowball was interred in state this morning before work. He is survived by his brother Spongebob, his owner Emily, and probably thousands of other brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, and nephews out there somewhere. Emily is holding up well, all things considered; her grief being tempered by fond memories of the good times they had together, and perhaps some relief that cage cleaning is off her chore list.

So now, Snowball, as you run eternally on the giant hamster wheel in the sky, we thank you for being part of our family and we wish you well.

Rest In Peace
Snowball
October-ish 2004 – August 30 (perhaps?), 2006