Poeting

Thoughts spinning
Chaos in life causes chaos in mind
Too many synapses firing at once
Too much to handle simultaneously
Input overload.

Tequila
Chaos in mind retreats into the void
Thoughts drift and synapses rest
Head still while mind wanders aimlessly
Room’s spinning.

Survey Says: (The Crayon Survey)

You scored as Orange-yellow. You happy-go-lucky kid, you. You brighten everyone's day, even though you may be a little daffy and ditzy at times. Orange-yellow 69% Cerulean 63% Sea Green 56% Black 38% Scarlet 31% Which crayon color are you? created with QuizFarm.com

One man’s laughter is another manslaughter

How ironic that I was just musing over this little quirk in our language this morning? I saw a shirt that said “You can’t have manslaughter without laughter” on tshirthell.com. That is a great site, by the way. Funny, funny shirts. Some of my favorits are:

• High on Life … and glue!
• WWJD – for a Klondike Bar?

Anyways, back to the irony. As I was kicking around other linguistic quirks in my head (i.e. every funeral starts with fun), I got cut off by some [individual] who was trying to pass the car in front of him. He swung his van into my lane and I had to pull a pretty swift dodging maneuver to avoid him. This was made all the trickier by the fact that a woman was standing on the street waiting to cross. If he had hit me, it could easily have sent me into her and likely would have killed her.

First thoughts: it’s amazing how things slow down so much in such a situation. While this was happening so quickly, I was able to think clearly enough to actually prioritize my movements – slow down of course was at the top, but I also was readying for impact with the van. I was not about to steer away from it because I knew where the pedestrian was on my left. For this same reason, I knew if the van did hit me I was going to have to turn into it – possibly spinning it – in order counter the leftward force it would have put on my van. Finally, a bit lower on the priority list but important nonetheless, was determining at which point it would be safe to start honking and swearing at the aforementioned [individual].

The van wound up pulling behind a slower driver than the one he tried to get around the first time. Switching lanes, I actually got up to him and passed him. I gave him a thumbs up and he started honking back at me with a really pissed off look on his face.

I’d expect that the woman does not realize what I did for her. It was awfully close to her and there was a lot of honking, so she probably had one heck of a scare and thinks both of us were crazy and reckless. I think I did her one hell of a favor today, but I don’t expect her to ever realize it. I do, however, hope that she stops waiting in the street instead of the sidewalk.

The guy, on the other hand … Well, he probably doesn’t know what I did for him back there. If I were not as quick to react to his stupidity, he would be at fault for at least the accident. Furthermore, it was quite possible that he could have faced a vehicular manslaughter* charge were it not for my quick and steady thinking. I kept his [donkey] out of jail, and he’s mad at me?

At this point I specifically challenge the marital status of his parents upon his birth, that bastard.

* see - I was pondering manslaughter (the word, not thinking of committing it) and I was almost involved in one. Perhaps I'll ponder lottery winnings now!

Survey Says:

Three names you go by:
Kevin, Blanquito, Dad

Three things you like about yourself:
My kids, my girlfriend, my warped sense of the world

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
My procrastination and some other things I’ll fill in later

Three parts of your heritage:
German, Danish, Norwegian

Three things that scare you:
Possessed kids in horror movies, my credit score, not knowing how to answer these types of surveys

Three of your everyday essentials:
Air, love, and my selective sense of denial

Three things you are wearing right now:
I’m not wearing anything right now. Come, ladies, hop a ride on the Kev-Train! Wo-Woooo! All-aboard!

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment:
You know, that group that plays that song.

Three of your favorite songs at present:
You know, that song played by that group.

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Paying off debt, fitting into smaller pants, winning the lottery

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Trust, mutual benefit, and great sex.

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:
Eyes, boobs, and smile

Three things you just can’t do:
Get a loan with my credit score, touch my toes with my fingertips without bending my knees, turn down money

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Sex, drugs, and rock and/or roll. Although I don’t do the middle one, and I wouldn’t quite describe the last as a hobby. I’d replace them with computer games and reading

Three careers you are considering:
Man Whore (straight man whore, thank you very much), politics, law

Three places you’d like to go on vacation:
Tahiti, Germany, someplace warm and clothing optional

Three kids’ names:
Emily, Alex, and, quite frankly, I’m done after that.

Three things you want to do before you die:
I’ve decided not to die. But while I’m still young, I’d like to do Lindsay Lohan.

Three people you’d like to see take this quiz now:
This is a quiz? Captain Roger, Symphony, President Bush

Football Prediction

Man, those Bills played a feisty game on Sunday. Had those Steelers backups not put such a premium on winning, my prediction would have come true. The Jets took the Rams into overtime, then shanked a kick wide right and gave up a mess of yards and a field goal on the following possession. The biggest shame of that overtime was that it knocked the Saints out. I'm not a Saints fan per se, but they are one of the teams I like to see in every once in a while.

Everybody in my family was rewarded this playoff season but me. My folks are happy about the Seahawks getting in, my viking cousins in Minnesota get to cheer on their Vikings (for a game, perhaps), my brother's Broncos made it. And of course most of my friends are Eagles fans. (Speaking of, I was at Hooters for the second half of the early games to get lunch and watch all of the games as they were wrapping up. The Eagles were down at one point 38-3 when they finally scored a touchdown. Wouldn't you know, the entire dining area broke out into an E-A-G-L-E-S chant?!? Wo-hoo, we're now within four touchdowns with a minute to go! We rock!) Ms N and her Ravens and me and my Giants will be watching the playoffs this year.

At least the Giants finally had a good game. They scored more points than their opponents for the first time since playing in the Metrodome nine games ago, and Tiki Barber set an all-time Giants rushing record with a last-minute game-winning touchdown. So here's the season in review: they were expected to go anywhere between 4-12 to 8-8, started strong at 5-2, then lost 8 games in a row for the second season in a row endign at 6-10 and missed the playoffs again. But they swept the Cowboys. I'll take it.

I guess I should post some touchy-feely new year's stuff as well, but that will have to come later. Football first.

Vacation Stories

Co-worker is back from vacation, talking about his holiday. His mother-in-law had surgery shortly before Christmas and had been recovering. This is his line this morning:

“Yeah, the mother-in-law’s doing great. I got her a new broom for Christmas so she is getting around wonderfully.”