From the Inbox

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's If

• You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE"
• You watched the Pound Puppies.
• You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair" … and can do the "Carlton".
• Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
• You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
• You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
• You know that "WOAH!" comes from Joey on Blossom
• Two words: Hammer Pants
• If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
• You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
• You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales " (Woo ooh!)
• It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
• You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
• You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen...and still know the turtles names.
• You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
• You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
• You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
• L.A. Gear....need I say more?
• You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books.
• You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
• You wanted to be a Goonie.
• You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us... head-to-toe)
• You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. (You know, back when he was black)
• You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
• You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
• You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
• You still get the urge to say "NOT!" after every sentence.
• You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
• Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
• You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
• You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
• You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like #24, probably in neon colors, too)
• After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
• You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
• You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
• You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
• You have ever played with a Skip-It.
• You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
• You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
• You remember Popples.
• "Don't worry, be happy"
• You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
• You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do... getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family)
• You remember boom boxes … and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
• You remember watching both "Gremlins " movies.
• You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
• You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales"
• You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
• You remember Alf, the lil’ furry brown alien from Melmac.
• You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
• You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
• You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
• You just sang those words to yourself.
• You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
• Homemade Levi shorts ... (the shorter the better)
• You remember when mullets were cool!
• You had a mullet!
• You still sing "We are the World"
• You tight rolled your jeans.
• You owned a banana clip
• You remember "Where's the Beef?"
• You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
• You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

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You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!

There is no question ...

... that tomorrow will be bright, so long as I can stumble out of the darkness of today.

It may be the source of life ...

... for some beautiful flower-to-be, but it just seems like shit when I step in it.

Pulp Fiction survey ...

You are the king of smooth -- enough said. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Now that I can quantify my feminine side ...

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Haiku

Reading on the john?

Now I am word processing.

I love my laptop.

Men Will Be Boys

The weekend was the first annual APO (Alpha Phi Omega, my ol’ college fraternity) Alums vs. Undergrads football game. We played seven-on-seven flag football on a field in West Philly. The undergrads, of course, are all 19-22 year-old college students. The alums are all 30-somethings – a teacher, a law student, a couple accountants, and such. The undergrads brought their line of current pledges who were allowed to substitute in when their services weren’t otherwise needed as boundary markers.

PJ O’Rourke once wrote that old age and guile beat youth, ambition, and a good haircut. That doesn’t necessarily apply to sports.

One would expect that the game would be a drubbing, but we old folks actually held the young whippersnappers to 3 scores in our hour-long game. Of course, we only scored once, but hey, our completion to receiving touchdown ratio was through the roof. We also had some great defensive stands in there.

Flag football is supposedly a non-contact game. Ha! We played with blitzes and blockers; the quarterback was live as soon as the ball was snapped. I played line on both sides and I made contact every play. On at least five separate occasions someone from one side or the other came to me and said “Wow, what a hit.” I would have had some good tackles if I could have only reached that damned flag. Note to self: tackle anyways.

One surprise attendee to the game was a 300+ pound undergrad from a different school. As luck would have it, I was blocking him or he was blocking me for most of the game. He was something to try to push around.

The undergrads tried an onside kick and used their small fast guy as the gunner. This particular small fast guy had tried to take out my knees on an earlier play, so I had a special interest in knocking him around whenever I could. He was darting in towards the loose ball as I was coming in from the side. Instead of going for the ball, I went for him. I knocked him off his feet, combining my inertia, good leverage, and extra 130 pounds with his momentum. He literally bounced off me and wound up airborne, finally rolling away from the play and leaving me open to pick up the ball. It was my only touch of the game. As we all got up to get ready for the next play, he came over to congratulate me.

On another play I was the only blitzer. Our guys had all the receivers covered, so their quarterback couldn’t find a place to throw the ball. With both of their linemen covering me, I was still able to push towards the QB and force him off to the sidelines. Later, one of them told me I had a “really mean face” when I pass rush.

It was one hell of a rush. It was pure, unadulterated fun (I save my adulterating for other times). I hope this becomes more frequent that merely an annual event.

Happy Valentine's Day, Ms N

The First Time

It was not the first time those souls had met
They certainly crossed paths before
But this time was different – each would bet
That things would change forever more

The crowded city seemed quiet that night
November’s chill hung in the air
She huddled in his arms beneath a light
He ran his fingers through her hair

Many conversations had come and gone
Over dinner and something to drink
The laughter lasted the evening long
Yet the night was gone in a blink

Around them the buildings stretched to the sky
Arm in arm they walked down the street
A blanket of stars, a gleam in her eye
And their lips, finally, did meet

It was not the first time those souls had met
They certainly crossed paths before
But this time was different – each would bet
That things would change forever more

Spell Check

Why does this site's spell-checker not have the word "blog" in its dictionary?

On Religion

So, my girlfriend is on another person's* blog talking about religion - specifically about the difficulties of growing up Catholic. I have run into so many people who use the term "recovering Catholic" that it has become ubiquitous. Anyways, they both mention Lutherans - which I am - as being very close to the Catholics. The other person* said that we're "Catholic-Lite - all the spiritually, 2/3 less guilt" or something like that; she says we're "one step down" from the Catholics.

I've been removed from the church for a while, but now I've gotta' say something. I've gotta' lay the ol' theological smackdown here.

My confirmation instructor, Pastor Joanne, got pregnant while teaching our class (By which I mean she got pregnant during the same time-frame, not that, well, you know what I mean). Anyways, you tell me that having a married female pastor who is obviously engaging in reproductive endeavors is "one step" behind "come tell the 'celibate' priest all the naughty things you've been up to" Catholics.

• We have no confessions - Jesus knows what we've been up to.
• We sing better.
• We don't have nuns.
• We recognize gay people as people.
• Celibacy?
• No need to report your income to the church, just the IRS. ("Give unto Caesar ..." I believe it was once said)
• Planning parenthood is an acceptable option.

The list goes on. Anyways, I am not too closely associated with the church now, but I cannot even fathom how you could say Lutherans are "one step" below. Where do they rank the Baptists?

My buddy growing up was (well, I guess he still is) the son of a Southern Baptist minister. His dad is the guy who broke his leg at home in his living room watching a college football game on TV. (The only thing he was able to successfully convert me to was Alabama football. Roll Tide!) Anyways, when you look at the pressure put upon their respective members, you've got to rank the Baptists right up there. If anything, the Lutherans tend to be one of the more liberal religious groups out there. Look at Minnesota's voting record, for goodness sake.

The biggest difference between the Catholics and the Baptists is the liveliness of the congregation. My buddy would always invite me to his church for service and I went several times. But he always declined my reciprocal invitations. "I'll only go if I can shout 'Amen!' during the sermon," he said.

That would be rude. It would wake everybody up.

* I changed the gender-specific references because she thought I sounded like a jealous stalker by specifying that it was, indeed, another man's blog that she was visiting. By using generic terms like 'the other person' I remove any indication the blog she was visiting was that of another man.