Great Lines from MXC

Spike TV has a great Japanese game show called MXC, or Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. (I'm not sure what happened to the E.) Contestants try (usually unsuccessfully) various challenges and if (when) they fail, they wind up falling into mud puddles or water hazzards or a pit of flour. Since it's all in Japanese, the show is re-written and American actors provide voice-overs. The dialogue is changed entirely, but that doesn't matter. First, the Japanese jokes might not fly as well in English. Second, it's just darned funny the way they've assembled it.

Basically, the contestants do crazy competitions like the Colassal Dominos of Doom, and the commentators give the play-by-play. So without further ado, here are some fun one-liners from the show last night:

I just wanted to use the Bible for monetary gain. You know, like Mel Gibson or Pat Robertson.

That's Johnny Bukakione - he's always surrounded by a small circle of friends.

We're going to need a deeper shallow grave. She's huge.

She's the inventor of the Pray Station II, the game consol that only works if you face it east. It's feature game is Martyr-dumb and Dumber.

I've heard he's whacked more men than Richard Simmons.

And straight from witness protection program is Steve Cardu ... er, Smith.

I can tell you from my experience as a successful network executive, there are only two important things - a nice severance package and a hot trophy wife.

He tries a Sodomite Skip, but he can't stick it.

He's an executive for the Home Shoplifting Network. If you call in the next five minutes you'll get a five-finger discount.

It's like that cable show where gay people force you to redecorate.

That's Ginger Caverns. She works for the adult family channel: T&A Kids.

She wouldn't look that bad in a wet burka contest.

It's a new show where I redecorate closet gay celebrities homes: While You Were Outed!